Helping older children to accept a new baby

The arrival of a new baby in the family can be a time of turmoil and uncertainty for the other children. Older children may take a while to accept their new place in the family. They may show baby-like behaviour, such as tantrums. They may refuse to use the potty or toilet, even though they know how. They may have feelings of jealously - leading to hitting, biting, pinching, or throwing things.

Relax. Such behaviour is normal. Your older child is expressing frustration and confusion about their place in the family. They are testing to see if you still love them. It is important that you show them you do.

Helpful tips

• Help your older child prepare for the baby. For instance, help them read a children's book about babies. Look through their old baby photos. Talk about names for the baby. Ask them to help decorate the baby's room or cot. Sometimes a present from the baby to the older child helps – your older child may also like to choose a present for the baby.
• Try and get organised beforehand. For instance, stock up the pantry and freezer with quick, easy dinners. Ask family and friends for help and support.
• Let your older child know you really value their help – get them to fetch a nappy, play with or read to the baby.
• Have special time with just your older child, with no baby competing for attention. For example, reading a book together, or going to the park.
• Keep a range of handy toys and activities for your older child to play with while you feed baby. 
• Try to talk to your child as a respected older brother or sister – more grown up than the new baby.
• Stay calm. Face bad behaviour with patience and understanding – your older child needs to know you still love them as much as ever.
• Share stories with other parents about how they cope.
• Take care of yourself. Even small treats like a haircut or a relaxing bath with candles and music can help you relax.

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